


Dancing in the Dark

by IrisClou



Series: Sensei Squared [Kaka/Iru/Tsu] [11]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sloppy Makeouts, and a little more cuz yknow. guys are gonna be dudes, i made myself cry in the very end i, kinda? idk they have Some History per se, listen i love my boy izumo i would fucking die for him, star-crossed lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 03:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19862956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IrisClou/pseuds/IrisClou
Summary: You can't start a fire without a sparkEven if we're just dancing in the darkIruka overhears some of his colleagues gossiping over the nature of his failed romances with women, and alleged interest in men.He takes it pretty hard, and it's up to his old friend Izumo to keep his spirits up -- at the expense of his own.How do you tell your best friend you love him, when you know he's meant for someone else?





	Dancing in the Dark

**Author's Note:**

> as you guessed it, the homogays are Shunned and Bad and Dirty in ninjaland [specifically konoha] just like here in the bible belt of america.   
> doesnT MATTER IF HALF THE JONIN POPULATION IS GAY MEN BUT WHATEVER anyway yeah . 
> 
> i fuckin love bruce springsteen, fight me. right here. right now.

[ **[DITD | fingerstyle]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ri5O23_kkI)

“It was bound to happen.”

“He just doesn’t get it.”

“I wonder why he hasn’t given up yet.”

“From what I’ve heard...by the way he looks at other men, I think he  _ has. _ ”

Iruka slumped against the door of his classroom, eyes cast downward, drawing dizzying circles in the floorboards. 

So much for his yearly review going well that morning, when the news of his abysmal love life spread like wildfire. Now he was just the laughing stock of the entire Academy staff. 

And that last comment...sweat beaded on his brow and a nausea rippled up his guts in a hazy rush. The insinuation he’d been...that he  _ was _ ...It’d ruin his career. He held a hand to his mouth to ground himself, burning eyes squinched shut. It...it wasn’t  _ fair.  _ What was he doing wrong? He’d done everything but bought  _ self help books _ on romancing women. 

However ...maybe he  _ was  _ asking for this one. She had been one of the Hyuga clan. Unbelievably beautiful and graceful -- the exact opposite of how Iruka viewed himself. Though, this time around, opposites did  _ not _ attract. His first round of courting was shot down brutally, and he was chased out of the grounds by her furious brother, bellowing about “No-named low-lives” bothering his sister. 

Iruka hunched over, head bowed, as if the memory pained him like a freshly salted wound. He was twenty-four now. Soon, he’d be in his thirties. At this rate, he’d be a bachelor all his life. 

Not that he minded being footloose and fancy-free, but when the past month or so involved him making clones to snuggle up to in bed at night -- it was pathetic how lonely he was. Hell, even his  _ clones _ felt bad for him. 

Was...something  _ wrong _ with him? He did his best to be charming and attentive, but…

“Sensei?” A familiar voice met his ears, and he lifted his eyes to see dark uniform sweats. “You alright? What’s wrong?”

Iruka swallowed thickly, straightening up, though all he wanted to do was curl up on the floor and wallow until the lights went out and the doors were locked. 

_ Izumo. _

Alone, surprisingly. He supposed Kotetsu was assigned some menial mission for the day. 

“Iruka...” The young man seemed overly concerned, reaching out to give his friend a reassuring shoulder squeeze, but the teacher flinched away.

“S-sorry.” He said noncommittally, “I just...don’t feel well.” Iruka glanced up with an injured look in his once bright hazel eyes. 

Izumo blinked before scanning the hallway for other teachers. 

“Let’s go in.” The fellow chuunin smiled softly, gentle hands on his friend’s back as he pushed him towards the door. “We can talk in here.”

He didn’t realize how long that would take, however. 

Iruka simply stared at the floor, refusing to utter a single word as Izumo hopped up onto his desk, sitting next to a little glass dolphin paperweight. 

“You...hear the newest rumor?” The brown haired chuunin mumbled hoarsely, fumbling with the hem of his shirt, worrying at a thin part of the fabric. 

“Ebisu goes to strip clubs on the Academy’s dime?” Izumo joked, trying to get his friend to smile.   
He usually wasn't one for crude humor outside of shooting the shit with Kotetsu...but he could let his walls come down around Iruka any time.   


Not even a smirk. _Damn, this was bad._

Iruka shook his head dismally. 

Izumo sighed, pursing his lips in thought. 

“It was that Hyuuga girl, wasn’t it?” 

“There’s more.” 

The chuunin cocked his head. 

“Found out you have a tramp stamp with Ibiki’s name on it?” Another dirty joke, the young man grinning impishly ear to ear -- but it had a horrible result. 

Iruka let out a tiny throaty noise, face crumpling as he bowed his head, hiding scalding tears behind his hands. A shaky inhale brough Izumo to his feet, fingers trembling mid air, tentatively hovering over shuddering shoulders.

“Hey, hey…! Iruka, I didn’t mean it, I...” But his touch was met with a terrified sounding sob. 

“...It’s  _ you. _ ” The chuunin gasped between sniffles. “It’s  _ us. _ ”

Izumo’s heart plummeted, face void of all expression, eyes dark as he stared blindly at Iruka. 

_ Us?! What did he….what did he mean? _

Eventually, Iruka let Izumo pull him into a comforting hug. 

“They think...” He couldn’t finish.

There was an uneasy silence, his friend's dark eyes tired and searching the classroom for something that wasn't there. After a while, they closed, and Izumo held Iruka tighter, rubbing his back like he was warming up a cold child's. 

♡

**[[DITD | Springsteen]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gX5ljyECT0E) **

"Hey." He murmured, once some time had past. He took a deep breath, feeling their chests shudder against each other as Iruka instinctively followed suit. "Let's take it slow."

A tiny smile curled Izumo's lips, and he pulled away, hand slipping down his friend's arm to clasp around tan fingers. 

Wordlessly, he stepped toward the desk, not letting go of Iruka. He flicked the radio on, the music flooding the room with nostalgia. 

With an uplifting twinge in his heart, Izumo immediately recognized the track, and glanced to the deck, confirming the fact it was indeed the mixtape he had made last year for Iruka. 

"I...I don't want...to…" The younger shinobi mumbled as Izumo took him into his arms, beaming at him. He stood rock still as his friend swayed in time to the music, trying to move Iruka with him -- he  _ knew  _ dance was one of the man's favorite things. It calmed him; centered him. 

"If you don't want to talk, then let's  _ groove _ ." Izumo laughed airly, rolling his hips for emphasis.  _ Anything  _ to get Iruka to smile. 

_ "Sometimes when others are too sad to smile, you have to smile for them."  _ Izumo had taken Iruka's mother's advice strongly to heart.  _ He  _ usually was the mopey one out of he and Kotetsu, with his partner having to do some dumb shit to cheer him up. Now it was time to pay his dues forward. 

"I'd...really rather not." Iruka seemed almost... _ put off _ by Izumo's playful advances, trying to pull away. 

"You can't leave me dancing in the dark, Iruka!" His friend joked, grip tightening. 

Silence. 

The usual ray of sunshine that was the chuunin had turned cold and stormy. 

"Get off." He hissed, jaw set, eyes narrowed as he ripped his arms out of Izumo's grasp. " _ You _ started this.  _ Finish  _ it by leaving me alone." 

A rush of panic coursed through the older shinobi's blood, eyes wide. 

He'd  _ never  _ seen Iruka like this -- except…

Except to other sensei he had caught being cruel to the children. It was as if his very aura had gone from dawn to dusk, shadows flickering in once bright hazel eyes. 

How had...how had  _ he  _ become deserving of such frigid anger? 

"Iruka…" Izumo gasped softly, stepping back, fingers smarting from earlier. 

" _ You're  _ the reason I'm like this." Iruka snapped, bristling, although nothing he said felt  _ right.  _ "I would have--"

_ Found someone? _

_ Been married? _

_ By now?  _

He couldn't continue. 

His friend was still in shock. 

He too, fumbled for a response. 

"The reason...you're like...what?" Izumo trailed off, earnest and vulnerable in his confusion. 

Iruka squeezed shut his eyes, and shook his head, as if he were trying to rid himself of a waking nightmare. 

"...the reason I…" A heavy, hot sigh, and the young man turned away, unable to face his friend. "...I can't be with women anymore." 

♡

**[[DITD|berman/marling]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ul0aWaPAkak) **

Silence. 

_ Silence.  _

Izumo felt every cell in his body go numb. 

_ The reason… _

"I'm not  _ like  _ you." Iruka whispered, tears evident in his wavering tone. "But...I'm not like  _ me  _ anymore, either." 

The dark energy that plagued him seemed to dissipate into a loose depression. 

"Iruka…" Izumo couldn't stand the distance any longer, and leaden feet carried him clumsily to his friend's side. "I'm...I'm  _ sorry. _ " He murmured, shivering as Iruka let out a weak willed whimper and more or less fell into his arms, shoulders shaking with dry tears he'd already cried. 

After a few moments, Izumo reached out to flick off the light, shrouding the classroom in a warm glow of the afternoon sun peeking through the blinds. 

He held Iruka for what seemed like years, stroking the back of his head and burying his face in the man's neck, swaying ever so slightly to the soft music that played. 

"...I should...never have…" Izumo muttered, feeling trembling arms rise up to hold him back. "...you deserve a better confession than mine." 

Iruka shook his head into his friend's chest.

"You heard mine." He mumbled, shame sapping all his energy. "It couldn't have been more... _ pathetic _ ." 

Izumo chuckled.

"They say being in stressful situations strengthens bonds. Maybe--" 

Iruka grumbled, cutting him off.

"I don't count... _ that  _ as stressful." 

His friend smiled fondly at the memory anyway, lips to the younger's shoulder. 

"It was...pretty  _ heated."  _ Izumo shrugged, but Iruka suddenly slammed his heel into the chuunin's foot, causing him to yelp.

"That's what I'm  _ saying!"  _ He hissed, "Because...we... _ I... _ was in such a  _ state.."  _

The pressure of Iruka's lingering foot did some good to ease the sharp pain. 

Izumo winced, but the sight of Iruka above him, blushing madly and panting, arms shaking with the strain of keeping himself up...lips parted, still wet from a passionate kiss, the words tumbling from him with the clumsiness of a child.

_ I think...I think I may be...in love with you.  _ He'd gasped, gorgeous sienna hair falling around his shoulders in a silky cascade, sunkissed skin such an exhilarating contrast to his own. 

Izumo's face has screwed up to hide a giggle, but a few escaped his throat anyway, and he'd grinned up at his newest friend at the time.

_ Damn.  _ Kouhai days were one hell of an experience. 

_ I don't think so.  _ He'd murmured softly, though his own heart was throbbing like crazy at the notion.  _ I think there's someone else for you. _

Besides, at the time, he and Kotetsu had just started experimenting outside of each other. Izumo still had anxiety over his best friend in the world finding some girl and dropping him. He still clung a bit too tightly. 

Iruka had gazed down at him with the most innocent eyes, and Izumo had felt such guilt for taking the young man's first time -- although, considering, they didn't go as far as most did. 

How long ago had that been? Five years? Four?

The shock of the fact it had been  _ years _ , struck Izumo like an arrow through the heart. 

Hadn't they...since then? 

He wracked his brain. 

Surely, he remembered the time when Tsunade threw that stupid party about two years back, and they'd found themselves considerably buzzed and making out against the garden wall, hidden away from prying eyes, hands restlessly searching one another for that forbidden heat. 

But that never got very far. 

What about just last fall? 

His heart wrenched at that memory, bits and pieces fogged out. But Iruka had kept him so warm when he had never felt so cold before. Those kisses still burned like fire along his neck at night. 

"We both were." Izumo whispered gently, finally returning to the present. "And it's okay." 

Iruka sighed. 

"But…" 

"Hey." His friend pulled away slowly, dark eyes warm and inviting. "You really want to keep talking here?" 

Iruka blinked once, face blank, hazel eyes staring right through him.

"Kiss me." He said thickly. 

Izumo felt his knees grow weak for a split second. 

"Wh...what?!" He asked hoarsely, vision blurring as he looked toward the windows and door -- wasn't the whole point  _ not  _ to get caught at school?! 

"Kiss me." Iruma repeated hollowly. 

Izumo, against his better judgement, had wanted to do just  _ that  _ for months now, and easily complied. 

Gloved hands trembled slightly as they slid up rounded shoulders and through soft brown hair to cup the softest cheeks. He tilted his head, leaning in, eyes trained on Iruka's perfect lips, perfect everything, nose brushing the deep scar before they touched.

♡ 

**[[DITD| tegan & sara](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EnM7xd4oas)** [ **]** ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EnM7xd4oas)

It took countless years of convincing himself that being nearly the same height was coincidence -- not fate, and exactly two seconds to forget it. 

One kiss became two. Then three. 

The earlier tension in Izumo ebbed away with each successive kiss, slender fingers weaving into thick auburn hair while the other set trailed lower. 

"I'm not...gay…" Iruka murmured hotly, tongue barely his own anymore. "...Izumo…"

~~JOHN CENA VOICE ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT~~

"Th...that's...mm...fine…" His friend melted into every touch, knees weak,  _ body  _ weak, to the passion that was kept hidden under such heavy lock and key in Iruka Umino's heart. "I...b..b-believe you…" 

You _ might not be gay... _ He managed to get one thought in between instinctual hip grinding,  _ but  _ I  _ sure as shit am.  _

Izumo couldn't let it get too far. 

Not because they were in public. Not because two men caught in a homosexual act would end their careers and social lives in an instant. 

But because  _ he  _ was falling in love again. 

With his best friend.

The  _ wrong  _ best friend. 

And he had seen the look in Iruka's eyes. 

The  _ same  _ was happening for  _ him.  _

They both  _ knew  _ where they belonged. So why were they letting this happen? 

Desperation? Loneliness? Frustration? 

" _ Sensei… _ " Izumo heard himself moan between kisses, Iruka's hand having found his weakest spot, the heat between his legs nigh-consuming. He wanted to kick his own ass for saying such a stupid thing, how  _ pathetic  _ was he?

But...gentle and mild mannered Iruka, the most unassuming of all the teachers in Konoha, had him pinned to the classroom wall, tongue down his throat, hand clasped assertively around his-- 

_ God!  _ The idea of it was a fantasy come true, though Izumo'd rather die than admit it sober. 

But...as  _ good,  _ as  _ satisfying  _ as it felt getting the chance to live it -- he knew it couldn't go on. 

The older chuunin knew  _ exactly  _ who Iruka's heart belonged to. Those shy glances and nervous laughs, rosy cheeks and secret smiles were not for him. 

Kakashi Hatake was the captor of Iruka's heart. 

And, as memories flooded his brain of the pair's interactions, his movement grew slow and lips slack. 

♡ 

**[[ditd|vance joy]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TD_rZA7xqp0) **

A cloud passed over the sun, cooling the room in an instant. 

"Iruka…" He whispered, breathing heavily against his colleague's parted lips. "...We can't." 

But before the chuunin could respond, he continued. 

"...You need...to find...who you're... _ meant  _ to be with…" He panted, turning his head, eyes downcast. "And we both know...it isn't  _ me."  _

Iruka's body slowly relaxed too, and he straightened up, shoulders loose as he took a step back, hazel eyes clearing their earlier haze. 

"..." He willed Izumo to look at him again. "...I still love you." Tan fingers slipped between cream. 

The older shinobi didn't dare look at him, but nodded all the same.

"You mean the world to me." Iruka whispered, giving his hand a lingering squeeze. "I'm here  _ because  _ of you. For better or for worse."

"For better." Izumo quickly spoke. "You are  _ always  _ for better. And I…" He swallowed around the knot forming in his throat. "I feel the same. But…"

Iruka's fingers slipped from his.

"I know." 

There was a tired, heavy headed silence between the pair. 

"Stay." Izumo whispered under his breath. "Just...just the night." 

Iruka looked up at him, blinking. .

"I just want you close." The young shinobi continued, a deep blush warming his cheeks. "Knowing I can't have you." 

His friend gave him a wan smile. 

"How do you know we won't just pick up where we left off?" 

"I don't." Izumo said flatly. 

"Then…" 

♡

**[[arguably the best goddamn cover of this song|ben howard]](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gjhPHHlkNEE) **

There was a distant rumble of thunder.

"Iruka, I just...need you." He confessed softly, dark eyes barely able to meet hazel. "Anywhere. Here, even." 

The first raindrops hit the windows in clumsy splatters. Almost as clumsily as Izumo reached out, to pull Iruka to him, lips pressed intently to his.

The dark room lit up with faint lightning, the mens' shadows intertwined on the wall.

But unlike the electricity that coursed from the sky to ground, Izumo and Iruka felt nothing from the kiss. 

And they  _ knew.  _ Their love was true. But it was sorely misplaced. 

\--

They both settled into the office chair, Iruka plopped cozily in Izumo's lap, after stuffing a vhs into the vcr, the tv on the stand flickering and buzzing to life as fuzzy images wavered in and out before becoming clear. 

The door was locked. The rainstorm kicked up as they watched a grandfather smile down at his grandson huddled up in his bedsheets, thick book under the old man's arm.

_ "This isn't one of those  _ mushy  _ stories, is it?"  _ The kid made a face.

Izumo kissed Iruka's shoulder as the power flickered briefly, the vcr humming before resuming the tape. 

The older shinobi wrapped his arms around the younger's waist.

They both dreamed of the day they'd find the man who would look at them the way Wesley looked at Buttercup, and whisper "as you wish" with such devotion every night. 

-

Kakashi and Kotetsu leaned against the brick wall under the overhang, taking in the sweet smell of spring rain and loamy soil, the sound soothing to the both of them. 

"You ever think about kissing someone in the rain?" The chuunin spoke up raspily, startling the 

Jonin. Kotetsu was more the strong, silent type. 

"Eh?" Kakashi was unsure if the question was directed at him or not. "Well…" He scritched his cheek thoughtfully, a certain someone's sunshine smile in his mind's eye, "I suppose it'd be romantic." 

Kotetsu hummed once in agreement. 

"That's why I like when it rains." He whispered, almost to himself. "I like to imagine what it's like. Imagine all the other people out there falling in love to their first kiss in the rain." 

Kakashi blinked, a little stunned at the insight. 

He smiled behind the mask, looking up at the shifting stormclouds. 

"Until then, it feels a lot like dancing in the dark, doesn't it?" 

Kotetsu fixed him with an oddly sad look. 

"It does." 

**Author's Note:**

> hey this is a good ass song please just listen to it okay
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X777PXFR6hE
> 
> its The Killers. Its quality i promise
> 
> ANYWAY YEAH SO ITS ALRIGHT WERE ALL DYING HERE LETS JUST CRY IT OUT   
> fuckin gay ninja idiots


End file.
